I was always confused by the whole coupling/marriage/sex/love thing. We are being told it is all the same. You meet someone, you have sex with them, you say ‘I love you’ and BAM it is a married couple. They are supposed to stick together for the rest of their life, have lots of sex and have dozen of children. That’s how it used to be and this is how it largely happens now. At least that is the target for the conservative world, modern USA and Russia included.
Personally, to me this kind of a life seems like a nightmare. I don’t mind getting together with a person, liking them, even spending a life with them, everything else in the deal, has simply nothing to do with me. I find all of it to be a lie and manipulation. ‘Sex equals love’ formula is predictable. Snug yourself a woman, have lots of sex with her, crank lots of babies (consumers/church followers) while convincing that woman that what you are doing to her is love. The same goes the other way. Women are convinced they need to have a man in their life, have sex, have children. How could they not? You will be excommunicated if you don’t.
“Sex equals love” doctrine has always bothered me. Lately, I started realising, this is not the case with me and never was. Those I am attracted sexually to, I am largely not attached to emotionally and am not eager to spend the rest of my life with. Whereas, the person I love I don’t need to have sex with. Could it be we have been mislead? And…
Love, as an entire tapestry of feelings, needs, rewards, co-dependency, mutual benefits and survival has nothing to do with a physical act of sex.
Love lasts and becomes an integral part of our entire being. While sex occurs, it is a biological function like consuming and digesting food. The dish may be exquisite, but I would not choose to spend my life with the chef who created it.
Then I think, So what does it mean? That we love one person and are sexually attracted to the other? This is how it works with me. And I am not even sure these two can come as one. For me, sex (mostly between a man and a woman) is a pretty intrusive, submission/domination act. It is also very demanding. When one of you wants sex, the other might not and doesn’t have to.
I am still discovering things for myself. For instance, if copulation isn’t love, does it mean that we can just go and have intimate relations with others, while staying with the person we love? I know I wouldn’t like if this was done to me. I do not posses the person I love but it would definitely hurt if she had sex with somebody. I imagine it would work the same way for her. On the other hand, playing devil’s advocate, I am arguing that if our partners aren’t jealous when we eat a delicious meal prepared by somebody else why should they be about us indulging in other kinds of pleasures?
I read a few fan fiction stories based on Voyager and this “I love you Seven/Katherine” stuff is everywhere. The words are said during or immediately after sex. It puzzles me. Somehow I thought lesbians were able to separate love and sex. To me the words are nothing but deceit and what is in fact being said is “It’s been great. I want to keep having that. From now on, you are mine and nobody else’s.”